Every time I read anything about Alice Waters and how much she relishes local, adorable, fresh-garden-soil-strewn, covered-in-a-hand-knitted-cozy produce, I want to fucking strangle her.

One perfect peach for dessert? Thanks for the tip, lady.

Your little pig that you fed on nothing but green garlic shoots, and then when you ate it, it tasted like garlic? Well, isn’t that niiiice.

But I live in the real world, not California, and transforming supermarket food into something tasty for dinner takes more than slicing it in half and putting it on a plate and garnishing it with fairy dust.

But then…then I actually read a nice interview with the nice lady. She’s pretty freakin’ infectious. I agree with her 100 percent when she says food should be the No. 1 issue in the presidential race. And of course Edible Schoolyard is what we need more of.

Here’s the link: Go Ask Alice (on Slate.com).

Oh, to be in Californ-I-A. I ate some kale tonight. Does that count?