Perusing the Craigslist residential listings, and I found this deeply flawed ad:

Large 1 Family House Located In The Heart Of Astoria Queens 14-14 30th Road [if by “heart” you mean “near the projects and away from the train”]. **House was recently used by Warner Brothers to film “The Bedford Diaries” – a brand new TV series.** [Like I care.]… Only 10mins to Manhattan. [By boat?] Various schools, library, shopping at Steinway Street, large Astoria park/pool & “strip” all within walking distance.[Steinway is walking distance only for the very fit with lots of time on their hands.] 6-Bedrooms, 2-1/2 Bathrooms, Large Dining Room & Living Room With FirePlace, 9 Foot Ceilings, Pocket Doors, Parkay Floors…

PARKAY floors! I’m dying. Peter wants me to call and ask what the air-conditioning bill is in the summer. I’m thinking I’ll invest in some dedicated around-the-house socks. The more I think about it, the more it seems like a genius art installation.