Author: zora

Piraeus’ Accidental Museum of Travel

Remember travel agents? I think I last used one in 1996, to book a trip to the Dominican Republic.

In Greece, where as we all know from the news, they’re not really keeping up with the program, it was hard to even find ferry schedules online up until a few years ago. And, as far as I know, you still have to buy tickets from a travel agent.

Peter and I happened to pop into this place for our Hydra tickets, and it was everything you want in a travel agency.

Mmm, two kinds of fake wall treatment!
Holland: always reliable
Map courtesy of a defunct airline. Amazing Hawaii is even on there.
The date is correct. But Olympic Airlines no longer exists.
Surprisingly not a defunct airline.
That's some mighty fine linoleum.

Since I read this nice reminder from Fortnighter that flying isn’t so terrible, I’ve been thinking a lot about the so-called “golden age” of travel. I tend to agree things are pretty good right now.

Aside from the asinine security situation, flying is pretty great, even when it’s not supposed to be. In the same 10 days, I flew first class on Thai Airways (thank you, frequent-flyer miles) and Spirit Airlines. Thai was fine but not mind-blowing, and Spirit was not that terrible: it was insanely cheap and got us there relatively on time, and Peter booked it directly online the minute we decided to take it.

Sure, the QM2 didn’t have a bouillon cart or other old-school niceties, but it probably was more comfortable than if we’d crossed the Atlantic in decades past. (As for train travel…well, trains aren’t getting nicer, except in Germany maybe, and Japan probably.)

This travel agency in Greece reflects this same nostalgia problem. I miss all the groovy linoleum and old posters, but I don’t miss the agency itself.

Although…our ferry tickets were printed out on a dot-matrix printer, with those perforated edges you have to tear off. I kinda miss that.

48 Minutes in Japan

Following on the heels of the quickie Munich visit…we spent even less time in Japan, and it was just in the Tokyo Haneda airport, but still, it was enough time to have our minds blown.

We made a beeline for duty free, to procure a couple of bottles of IW Harper bourbon, on a tip from a friend in Bangkok. Apparently, the Japanese, being the Japanese, liked this bourbon so much they just made a deal with the American distillery to buy all of it and sell it only in Asia. It’s good, and comes in a pretty bottle, along with 800 other types of whiskey I’ve never heard of.

OK, Crown Royal I've heard of.

Then we used the bathroom. Sweet Jesus, but which bathroom?

I just looked up 'ostomate.' They really have every base covered here.

I could’ve spared myself the decision-making if I’d just gone in this bathroom, but it was frankly a little scary.

Off-camera to the left: a full padded bed.

And then…did you know they even make modern squat toilets? I did not. Please admire the support bar.

The shelf in the back is for leaving your kid on, according to the symbols on the door.

After navigating that bit of craziness, we needed sustenance. To the ANA lounge!

I know everyone’s seen a bottle of Pocari Sweat by now. But have you seen a pitcher of Pocari Sweat?

ANA has my electrolyte needs covered.

There was also coffee from a machine that ground beans on demand. And beer from what looked like a soda fountain, but which tipped your glass to the appropriate angle for perfect foam.

And also in the liquids department, they had this adorable soy-sauce portion, for titrating one drop at a time onto your surprisingly satisfying rice balls filled with something pink.

Precision in all things

But this is where things got really delightful:

Before

Like you, I was thinking sundae toppings. But no. Here they are in action in my miso soup, still looking like candy:

After

Later, on our flight, the mind-bending continued. I only have this pic, in which the item on the lower right involves fish eggs, and the strawberries were steeped in vinegar with juniper berries. And after that, there was a whole series of disturbing-looking things–including a dry and slightly withered shrimp, a cube of brown jelly with shreds of things floating in it, and a gray chalky thing that looked like a rock but wasn’t–that were incredibly tasty and vaguely fishy.

Very tempted to steal the teeny spoons.

Apparently, all those Spanish chefs with their nitrogen tanks and their hydrocolloids are really working their asses off to recreate what’s just the daily experience in Japan. Next time, we’ll stay for longer.

Munich: Get Gussied Up

In the course of our European train jaunting, Peter and I spent all of six hours in Munich, but it yielded a post worth of ridiculous photos–and none of them even involved us being drunk and stupid in a beer garden. I think the Munich tourism board should be proud of that.

Directly across the street from the train station is a branch of the Karstadt department store, which Peter wanted to visit for nostalgia’s sake, and to take the edge off his childhood raspberry-jam-filled cookies no longer being available in the station itself.

We were looking at the store directory, and there among the usual departments was ‘Traditional Costume.’ Beeline up the escalators to be greeted by these fine folks:

That's right...dirndls and legwarmers.

We wandered through the racks in a daze. Astounding detail and variety. Two huge rooms full of Bavarian chic. I had no idea this was such a thing.

The sale rack
Sopranos go to Munich
I didn't know 'landlustmode' was a category.

There were some teenage girls dressing up in crazy outfits and taking each others’ pictures. It would’ve been a little too creepy to take their pictures, so we just posed for our own, without committing to Full Dirndl:

Fresh look for the 20-teens?

Peter’s dad (Greek) used to own lederhosen, by the way. Peter’s mother (German) finally refused to let him wear them out of the house, after one too many embarrassing jaunts to the newsstand in them.

The really illuminating thing about Bavarian traditional costume was how much it looks like American country-western wear. Of course. All those Texans with their smoked meats had to come from somewhere.

Why, ain't that just the cay-uuuutest shirt?

We finally backed away from the lederhosen (even on the sale rack, we were talking at least 90 euros minimum on any outfit) and headed for the miniature trains. They just don’t have miniature-train sections in American department stores. Certainly not ones where the glass is smudged from people pressing their noses against it longingly.

Mmm, beer cars.

After that, at a beer hall, we were nearly as dazzled by variety. German menus seem to consist of the same five words (brat, sauer, etc) in noun and adjective form, magically recombined to produce more than a hundred distinct dishes. Peter and I wound up with venison cutlets (neighbors at the table translated: “Um, Bambi?”) and spaetzle. And giant beers. And Bavarian cream for dessert. Which we were disappointed to see was not just ‘Cream’ on the menu.

Merry.

Just when I was settling into the good humor around me, as if into a warm bath, wallowing in the hum of hundreds of pleasantly drunk people and buttery food, Peter mentioned, “Oh, yeah, it was in places like this where Hitler really rallied the crowds.” So weak, humanity–that people at their most convivial, most singing-along, can so easily be carried off in another direction entirely.

After a bit of walking around, sobering up and digesting, I’d shaken off the landlust gloom, and it was time to get back to the station for our overnight train to Amsterdam. Magically, we were getting a little hungry again, and opted for a sausage.

Mmm, tasty mullets.
If you thought the kid with the mullet looked obscene...

Peter bought a beer for the train. But not the biggest beer available.

Yes, that's a mini-keg. For your train ride.

You can also see in the pic that we’ve selected quite a lot of Haribo. Only later did I add it all up and realize we’d bought a whole kilo of the stuff–I guess I hadn’t sobered up quite as much as I thought. Still, the flavor of Munich stayed with us for weeks–nearly as good a souvenir as lederhosen.

9 Highlights of 2011

A belated wrap-up of the year. I almost didn’t post this, because everything went so well this year that it seemed too boring. Ten items seemed like a stretch–here’s the Top 9:

1. I spent five weeks in Egypt and did not get sick. Absolutely astounding. I can’t really take credit. It’s like my stomach bacteria are a separate force from me. Thank you, thank you, stomach bacteria.

2. Bookdealbookdealbookdeal. OMG!!! For realz! 2 legit 2 quit!! Oh hai I can be real awthor? Oh, right–they gave me money to write in full sentences and spell things right. I’d better keep in practice.

3. I was on a boat! I was on a boat! Peter and I took the Queen Mary 2, and even dined with the Commodore Himself.

4. I really felt like this Internet thing is going to work out. This isn’t specific to this year exactly, but I’ve met so many fantastic people through the Internet, from the fabulous Kate Payne of The Hip Girl’s Guide to Homemaking to Christina of A Thinking Stomach to Medo, who just happened by my blog and wound up driving me around Cairo and convincing his incredibly generous mom to make me a home-cooked meal.

It's not even all fitting in the picture!

In real life, I probably would’ve met Medo’s mother first–she’s only a few years older than me. But this is what happens on the Internet. (Get your pedophile jokes lined right up. I can take it.)

Medo can manage a smile even after being stuck in Cairo traffic for an hour.

5. I made some jokes in Arabic. I can’t remember them now, but I remember when people laughed. And when the family who shared their picnic lunch with me at the Agricultural Museum in Cairo said, “She’s like us! She’s got the Egyptian spirit!” (I am wildly translating andaha damm khafeef–she has light blood.)

This matters because it was the small goal I set for myself while taking Arabic classes in Cairo. All other forms of fluency in Arabic have eluded me. And nothing gets you so far with so little in Egypt as making a good joke. It made up for my total failure to use the various polite phrases at the right times.

6. I made peace with my hometown. This happened to be via an article I wrote for the New York Times, which is also very exciting. But in the big picture, it’s amazing to me that the place I said sucked so hard for so long is now cool enough to make me want to advocate for it.

Or…could it be…that I’ve changed too? No, that’s just silly!

7. I got into good work habits, with other people’s help. Early in 2011, I realized: all those people who take their computers to coffee shops are on to something. In fact, all those people who go to offices to work are also on to something. You get more done with other people around (up to a point). So I put the call out for people to come over and work at the extra desk in my office. I called it the Queens Writers Fellowship, and it brought some excellent people over. When I’m back and writing this year, I hope to do it again.

8. I started Astoria Ugly. I’ve been meaning to do this for years. Finally Tumblr came along and provided a pared-down enough format that just posting a heinous-architecture photo a day made sense. See how great the Internet is now that we’ve lost all of our attention span? Admirably, David, who’s been babysitting Astoria Ugly while I’m away, has more energy to write things for it. I’ll be back at the helm shortly.

9. People called me ‘teacher.’ In the spring and early summer, I taught several classes on blogging, based on my expertise derived from…this very blog, I suppose. I may not be monetizing or SEO-optimizing or attracting those feverish commenters who fight to be the first, but gosh darn it, I’ve been in this game for (holy crap) eight years now, and tried every random blog thing on for size. It was fun to consolidate all that knowledge–and get up to speed on new developments. And hear all my students’ new ideas and points of view.

It also gave this blog a little kick in the pants. To be honest, I was about to bail. Sometimes it’s more fun to write tweets and snarky Facebook comments. But, yeah, you can’t quit your blog while you’re teaching about blogging. So I buckled down and followed my own advice: I set a posting schedule (and occasionally messed it up–for ex, with this now-dated post), and brainstormed ideas, and wrote in batches. (This is why the blog gets kind of far behind my actual travel timeline–but you don’t mind too much, do you?)

Thanks a million for reading all this time. Greatest respec’ to all the real teachers in the world.

Egypt: The Frickin’ Pyramids, and How to Help

Ah, the Pyramids. Last remaining wonder of the ancient world. Monumental tombs for the pharaohs. Engineering mystery.

And pain in my ass.

I’m not the only one to think this. Every tourist I’ve ever met in Egypt has looked shell-shocked when they mention their trip to the Pyramids.

It shouldn’t be this way. Egypt’s second source of income after foreign aid is tourism, and the Pyramids are the number-one tourist attraction by far. They’ve been grossly mismanaged, probably because Zahi Hawass, ex minister of antiquities, was too busy wearing his silly hat on National Geographic specials to care.

Sorry to be so rancorous about such an important and impressive pile of rocks. They are pretty cool.

Crush, crush.

This photo sums up the problem of visiting the Pyramids. I didn’t want to take this photo. I didn’t even want to be out in the desert where you have to be to take this photo. But some guy with a camel started chatting me up, and because some days it’s easier to smile than it is to snap and draw the line, and that doesn’t even work anyway, I ended up letting him walk with me, and then of course the next thing I know I’m on the damn camel and we’re tromping out to the photo-op spot.

He was a nice guy, this camel guy. He asked me to write a text message to his German ‘girlfriend.’ He tried to get me my Coke for a reasonable price from the guy selling them from a foam cooler. He had lovely eyelashes. And he asked me for a ridiculous amount of money, even though I had never hired him. I knew that would happen the minute he said hello, but like I said, some days it’s easier to smile.

His camel's name is Mickey Mouse. Every camel's name appears to be Mickey Mouse. How did that joke get started?

Anyway, this wasn’t a terrible experience, mostly because I didn’t have much at stake that day and I knew what to expect. By duct-taping my rose-colored glasses to my face, I could still enjoy the guy’s company without getting too peeved about this whole camel deal being forced on me. But most people have far worse problems at the Pyramids–like actual jerks who yell and threaten and fight to get more money out of tourists.

This makes it sound like the camel guys (and there are horse guys too) are the problem, and if they just banned them from the Pyramids area, everything would be fine.

Ah, but…two problems:

1) The Pyramids are spread over a big area, so the horse and camel rides are actually useful.

2) The horse and camel guys are from the village next to the Pyramids, and they have exactly zero other ways to make money. (Well, except for the Mubarak regime hiring them to beat up their compatriots in Tahrir Square. That’s how desperate they are.)

Zahi Hawass et al. knew they couldn’t get rid of these guys completely, but tried to control them by erecting this horrific wall between the village and the Pyramids. It looks like a mini-Palestinian barrier fence, and all it does is make the horse and camel guys move up the road to try to nab tourists before they get to the Pyramids.

Cool tiles at the Giza metro stop

This starts at the Giza metro stop, where seemingly concerned strangers sidle up and tell you which bus to take to the Pyramids. Then of course try to sell you on horse rides while you’re waiting for the bus. Or they jump in your taxi when it’s stopped in traffic. Or, wait, backtrack: they get the guy at your hotel to sell you a “sunrise tour” of the Pyramids, which means you show up two hours before the site opens, and you pass the time by talking to a guy who wants to sell you a horse ride.

It would be funny if it didn’t drive tourists to breakdowns and rages. The day I visited, I must’ve said ‘no’ about 856 times. And if you don’t say ‘no’, it must mean yes. So, yeah, I was basically date-raped by a camel.

The only calm part of the Pyramids is the almost-dust-free zone of the Cheops Boat Museum.

I wish I could just advise people not to go to the Pyramids, as I think they’d be a lot happier with their trip to Egypt. But I know that’s the grumpy outlook. Though Anthony Bourdain didn’t go to them on the Egypt episode of No Reservations.

My friend Hassan is a tour guide, and he happened to be on that episode. He was the one telling Tony all about the Pyramids, so that Tony didn’t have to go.

Hassan has a dream of fixing the Pyramids, of finally solving this problem with the horse and camel guys, who provide a useful service but are the source of so much aggravation. He’d like to help them form a cooperative of some kind, so they’re not all competing with each other, and there’d be set prices. Oooh, and maybe an orderly line! (Sorry–that might just be me getting carried away.)

I’d love to connect Hassan with some people working in tourism in other countries who might advise on how to go about organizing something like this. Or people working in NGOs with this kind of experience. Any ideas? Mexico connections are an obvious choice, as a lot of tourist services in the Yucatan work on this model.

In the meantime, I was heartened at least by how many Egyptians were at the Pyramids when I visited this year. I’ve never seen this before. Then I was disheartened to see them also being hassled endlessly by the horse and camel guys. By the end of the day, they looked as beat as me.

Just chilling out at the Great Pyramid of Cheops. As you do.

Sorting out the camel and horse situation would be as radical and helpful a change as installing meters on Cairo taxis–which has been done successfully. Cairo taxi drivers are now a delight to ride with. And I bet many of the horse and camel guys would also be excellent ambassadors for Egypt, if they weren’t so desperately fighting for the last tourist dollar.

All suggestions welcome. Have you been to a tourist site that was remarkably well managed? Or poorly managed? This isn’t rocket science–places have solved it, and probably not for too much money. Somewhere as great as the Pyramids deserves a lot better.

Cairo Graffiti

I had another collection of funny little items from Cairo scheduled for this week, but it just seems too flip. Instead, here’s a good collection of post-revolutionary graffiti, all from one corner in Zamalek. Fight on, Egyptians.

The colors are the Egyptian flag.
I dig the cassette tape.
Cool black-and-white work.
'7orya' is Arabic-SMS transliteration of 'hurriya' -- freedom. Arabic text says 'The revolution of change'.
No offense, but this one does look a little like what the dude with long hair over his eyes is doodling in his notebook at the back of the class. Except for the hearts. Aw!
The rectangular thing is an Egyptian license plate, redone so it says '25 January'. These are now a souvenir for sale at Midan Tahrir. The Arabic says 'equality' and 'freedom.' Nice placement next to the A/C unit.
The tower with the holes in it on the right I think is meant to be a pigeon coop, sort of a symbol of rural Egypt. The one on the left is the Cairo Tower, a city symbol.

Egypt: What’s New (to Me)

Not to jinx anything, but I think it now seems a little more appropriate to post my “oh my gosh, I had such a great time in Egypt” pics. Now that people aren’t (at least at this moment) getting tear-gassed and whacked with sticks.

It’s hard to talk about Egypt without mentioning all the political business, of course, but being there was a great reminder of how life goes on, and pretty magnificently. A country can be going through its largest upheaval in 50 years, but people still go to work, shop for vegetables, smoke a sheesha… Traveling there was 95 percent normal.

I did happen to leave just a few days before the November 18 protests got ugly. But I did also happen to be there on October 19, when the military killed 19 Copts. For better or worse, life went on the next morning. Cairo is a very big place.

In no particular order, here’s what caught my eye in Cairo:

Cairo has tuktuks now. Actually, only Giza has tuktuks. They got banned from the east side of the river because it just made the traffic too insane. Small towns have tuktuks too. The vehicles are actually imported from Thailand. Here’s our driver in Wadi Natrun:

Heroooo!
Heroooo!

The best tuktuks have huge sound systems, and our driver was blasting who I later found out was DJ Amr 7a7a (say it ‘Haha’), this tune that I heard many times over the rest of my trip. Sorry–can’t find version with words and his magnificent use of AutoTune. Just imagine 13-year-olds doing gangly dances to that tight bass line in a dusty small-town road, and you’ll get an idea how bad-ass we were rolling in our tuktuk.

Speaking of drivers: Cairo taxis (most of them) have meters. I still am marveling about how the simple addition of meters has transformed Cairo cabbies from some of the worst in the world to some of the best. Now that neither front seat nor back seat has to stress out about the fare, Cairo drivers can turn on their full charm. (Oh, except that one who showed a woman I met pornographic photos on his cell phone. And the one who pulled out a gun–!!!–from under his seat and showed it off to a guy in my class. And the one who, far less nefariously, drove me through the Al-Azhar tunnel for no good reason at all. But all the rest of them are true gentlemen.)

Egypt has a lot of Mubarak to get rid of. Here in Mansoura, he’s been painted out of a mosaic:

Some major young activists come from Mansoura.

In the Cairo metro, Mubarak station (the one at Midan Ramses) has been hastily changed to Al Shohadaa — ‘Martyrs’ — or just blacked out.

For the English sign, they made a proper sticker. For Arabic, they just used a Sharpie.

In Cairo, it seemed like there were a lot more young women out on the street, especially noticeable at night. Though at night I wouldn’t have been able to capture this great look:

On the Nile corniche

Color seems to be used a little more liberally on buildings. At least more than I remember, but in my memory, Cairo is always solid brown. I wonder if we might have the Chinese to thank for the colored paint–I noticed all of it was from there. People rarely have control enough to paint a whole building, but they’ll often paint their balcony a bright color, so it pops out from the rest of the brown building. This isn’t paint, but it gives you an idea of the effect:

That bright orange Bug is also an aberration.

In Islamic Cairo, the stretch of medieval buildings known as Bein al-Qasrein is done with restoration, and it looks beautiful. I was worried it would be too tidy, too fake. But it has aged well, and most important, people seem to hang out here in a way they didn’t before–it’s more of a public space than a thoroughfare. Here’s the inside of one of the buildings:

Unfortunately I only had my iPhone that day.

Elegant, calm, restorative. This is the side of Cairo that’s there, but hard to see–you have to go looking for it, and you certainly won’t read about it in the newspaper.

Barcelona: Thanksgiving Dinner for 46

Every year since who knows when, our friend Frank Plant has hosted Franksgiving in his fantastically cool digs in Barcelona. By the time we got around to attending, it had already grown from a cozy meeting of close friends into an insane, overcrowded phenomenon, and shrunk back to a more manageable size. If you can’t be ahead of the curve, it’s a lot better to be well behind it.

Turns out that “more manageable” now means 46 people. That’s 46 people expecting Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings, even if they’re Spanish and don’t really get the whole deal and wonder why we insist on eating the exact same thing every year, and without even any pork in it.

When Peter and I told Frank we’d finally be able to come, Frank drafted us for kitchen duty. Which is no surprise–I think every time we’ve visited Frank, we’ve wound up cooking dinner. Though usually only for about 20.

So, uh, this time it would be 46. Did I mention that already? Last time I cooked for that many people, for a friend’s wedding in 2002, I nearly had a breakdown I was so exhausted.

Peter did the turkey. Two Dutch friends, the Statler and Waldorf of the whole event, were complaining about previous years’ turkeys, so Peter took the bait–he’d brine those birds and smoke them.

This also freed up Frank’s rather tetchy oven for other work. Honestly, I have no idea how he’s pulled it off in years past.

But he’s done it. He has a vision, and he has shopping lists. And he has a crew of people at the nearby Hostafrancs market who were delighted to help. We picked up three turkeys from the poultry stand, where the sturdy ladies use a set of counter-mounted shears to ka-chunk carcasses into pieces. We loaded up on snacky things and sherry vinegar. We snagged some rare radicchio for this bean salad thing Frank wanted to try.

Then we got down to business. Or tried to. Peter went up to the terrace to assess the grill for smoking. As he was poking around, the whole bottom of it dissolved in a shower of rust.

I learned in 2003, when Peter and I had to build the rigging for a lamb roast, that if you’re going to embark on an improbable dinner scheme, then someone involved should be a welder.

Handily, Frank is one.

Safety first!

He patched up the grill, and even added a little smoke chimney and built Peter a rake for the coals.

Good as new! Nothing a little aluminum foil can't fix...

Once the birds were squared away, we could get down to kitchen business.

Here’s where the story gets boring. Thanks to a small army of volunteers chopping onions, peeling potatoes and running out to the store, everything went so smoothly I thought I was forgetting something.

That left me time to concentrate on my favorite thing: gravy. I made about half a gallon. My capacity for portion assessment ends at about 20 people–after that, I just imagine the Mongol Horde.

Periodically Frank would pop by the kitchen and ask how everything was going. And he would say exactly what I was thinking: “Shit! 46 people!”

One time Frank rolled through, I put him to work slicing the radicchio. Ah. Turned out it was red cabbage. Classic grocery-shopping-in-a-second-language issue. We rolled with it.

At this point, I have to give credit to Spain as a whole, despite their lack of radicchio. Were it not for its customary insanely late dinner hour, we would’ve been screwed. But with guests arriving at 9pm, and aiming for a sit-down time of 10pm, not only was everything done well ahead, but I even had time to take a shower and change into turkey-fat-free clothes. I hereby propose American Thanksgiving be forthwith considered a late-night affair. That traditional afternoon start is a bitch. No wonder everyone falls asleep.

Anyway, meanwhile, upstairs, the heavy lifters and Anna’s thorough vacuuming (which sounds better in its Spanish-cognate form, ‘aspiration’) had transformed Frank’s workshop into a banquet hall.

The stage is set.

Peter pulled the by-now-gorgeous birds off the fire.

And Jim got to carving.

I'm impressed that Frank's kitchen even has an electric meat slicer!

We gave everything a little reheat, tossed the candied walnuts in the now-red-cabbage-and-green-bean salad and ladled out the gravy. There was plenty to go around.

And, magnificently, room around the table for all 46 people.

Places, everyone.

The photo of Jim carving comes courtesy of Jan, the Dutch Statler, who at least admitted the turkey was better than it was in years past. And all agreed the red cabbage was far better than the radicchio would’ve been–happy accidents.

Another way we should tweak American Thanksgiving: have dancing after. Thanks Drew, Jim and Kris for rocking it till the break of dawn.

Dude. That boom box blinks in time with the music. Frank is a genius.

The next day, which was surprisingly un-fuzzy, considering the dancing till dawn, we rolled out on the train to Verona.

Guess what vegetable they just love in Verona and seemed to be selling at every corner market? Radicchio. Whatever. Over it!

I could end on this note, but it seems a little dishonest–it sounds like I just whip up this kind of party all the time, no prob. In fact, over the past five or six years I’ve gotten burned out on these heroic-cooking events (yes, after publishing a cookbook that’s very much in favor of such events). I got sick of being frantic and never getting to talk to anyone properly, or even enjoy the food, and now Peter and I are happy to have six or four or even just two people over for dinner. But Franksgiving was a great example of how these events are so inspiring when they go right, when the prep is really just a pre-party, a great chance to chat while prepping mounds of vegetables, and to solve problems on the fly. Thanks to Frank for reminding me.

*********

Here’s the rough logistics, should you be up against a similar killer situation:

For 46 people:

  • 3 turkeys, about 18 kilos. We had two of them cut into quarters, for easier maneuvering/faster cooking on the smoker. We used the backs to make stock.
  • 9 or 10 kilos potatoes; boiled them ahead in the morning, then ran most of them through a ricer about an hour before serving. 20 minutes before serving, mashed up with melted butter, hot milk.
  • 6 kilos sweet potatoes; parboiled in the morning. Made syrup of brown sugar, tangerine juice, Cointreau and poured over sweets in baking dishes. Dabbed with butter, topped with toasted hazelnuts and baked in last 20 minutes before serving.
  • 2 kilos green beans, 4 small heads of (ahem) red cabbage, about 500g feta cheese and 500g walnuts. (It was this recipe to start with. Oh well.) The night before, candy the walnuts. Dressing was a standard vinaigrette: garlic, mustard, sherry vinegar, olive oil, a squeeze of honey.
  • 2 kinds of cranberry sauce: Mama Stamberg’s crazy business with horseradish (really! have never eaten this–turns out it’s actually good), and a cooked sauce with orange peel, 2 bags of cranberries each. Made both of these the night before.
  • Stuffing…I couldn’t tell you. A bit of a blur. Reheated it for about 20 minutes, about 40 minutes before sit-down. If you have an oven with two racks (likely), you could do it at the same time as the sweets.
  • Half a gallon of gravy is, it turns out, definitely too much.

Ireland: On the Batter

(Sorry, no photos. As a setting, imagine any typical Irish pub you’ve been to. It turns out the ones outside of Ireland are actually pretty accurate.)

Coming straight to Ireland from research for my book in Egypt, I was still in comparative-travel mode, and Ireland seemed at once totally unlike Egypt (green, for starters) and strangely similar, especially in its reverence for language. The first book I picked up there, Wild Ireland, just happened to be one of the most marvelously written things I’d read in years, and put me to shame as a guidebook writer.

Midway through my visit, someone told me that shamrock is supposedly derived from an Arabic word, and there’s a whole theory that Arabs traveled to Ireland in some remote century. The little online research I’ve done since suggests this should be filed next to aliens building the Pyramids.

But then we went on the batter–that’s Irish for going on a binge.

Our hostess Amanda lives in Stoneybatter, aka “the Batter,” which, thanks to its two solid blocks of pubs, has given rise to the phrase “on the batter.” So we headed out for a little “sesh” ourselves on Sunday afternoon.

It started reasonably enough: a half-pint of Guinness in an airy old place where the sun shone through the front windows onto old men reading newspapers. Out of that pub and right next door to another. And another. At the next stop, Amanda’s regular, we scored the screened-off snug in the front and imitated proper ladies of the olden days, sitting in a row on our bench, drinking our however-manyeth-by-then half-pint. (Peter was on to full pints.)

Then we went around the corner to the Cobblestone, for its Sunday-afternoon music session. It initially seemed like no great shakes. In the back room, 12-year-olds were playing accordions, and up front, in one corner, a banjo player and a fiddler sat in the designated “musicians’ corner” and played quietly to each other.

As a cultural phenomenon, it was intriguing–here was the bar buzz all around, and a couple of very nimble-fingered people having a private conversation off to one side.

As music, it was less thrilling–the twinkly, lightweight Irish music that starts to rake at the eardrums after a bit. “We call that style ‘diddly-aye’,” Amanda said with a grimace. She was just starting to apologize for this weak cap to our pub crawl when there was a minor ruckus among the men near us.

I’d noticed these men when I walked in. Many were young and wearing dress shirts, which in my bar-going parlance means they’re hideous bankers and best avoided. But these guys were a bit rougher around the edges–more muscled, tenser-looking. Probably also best avoided.

Among the older men with them, one had a fluffy head of strawberry-blond hair and a Kenny Rogers beard. Another wore a black shirt, black jeans, black leather vest, gold earring–the works, with slicked-back hair and a twinkle in his eye.

The jostling among them resolved itself into…a song.

Most of you probably know I cry easily when people sing. Especially when they sing tragic songs about beloved women with skin white as milk dying during the famine. And when the singer’s voice grows a bit ragged in the saddest parts. And when the whole roustabout crew chimes in for the part of the chorus that ends with “in misery.”

Fergus (we knew it was his name because his mates kept murmuring, “Sing, Fergus!” and “Aye, Fergie!” in the pauses) concluded his song of woe and modestly took a sip of beer. I wiped my eyes.

Another man started up. This was the strawberry blond, and he kept his elbows propped on the bar and sang to no one in particular. Before the start of each chorus, he paused ever so briefly to stroke the ends of his prodigious moustache into place.

The diddly-ayes had zipped up their instruments in their padded cases and slunk off. These men sang unaccompanied, just pure tragic words.

Not that the bar fell silent. Just past a tiny partition, life carried on, somewhat rowdily. And even this gang of men had to shush each other repeatedly at the start of each song, in the utterly fruitless way only drunk men can do.

But the whole bar briefly quieted when the third singer opened his mouth. He was the most dangerous-looking of the banker-shirted, his hair short and gleaming with gel, his dark eyes small and focused. He shoved his fists in his jeans pockets, stared into the distance and sang words I couldn’t begin to hear, because the sound itself was so enveloping. He sang from his chest and up into his sinuses, and the resonance in his body carried out into all of us near him–I felt like I was vibrating in tune.

I haven’t heard singing like this outside of the Middle East–a voice honed for nothing less than making the listener sob with longing and regret. I waved at Peter for a proper Kleenex.

When the young man stopped singing, it was almost a relief. There had been so much tension coiled in his voice, so much attention demanded. It was a pleasure to relax back into bar talk and beer sipping for a minute or so.

But the next singer, and no offense to him, was nothing. His voice was clear and nicely rounded–like his shaved-bald head, in fact–and he didn’t falter. One minute in to his song, and I was already craving that coiled-tight singer again.

Fergus, the man who’d started it all, had noticed Amanda taking photos–and me weeping, most likely. “That boy’s probably the best traveller singer in Ireland,” he whispered to Amanda, gesturing to the banker boy now drinking his beer and looking glum.

“You’re not so bad yourself there, Fergus,” she rejoined.

“Ah, but I’m not a traveller,” he said, with a wry smile. “This boy learned his songs from his grandfather.”

A gnomelike man, all beard and silver hair down the back of his overalls, appeared. Leaning on the bar partition, looking down, he sang, in measured tones, about revolution and fighting in the streets. When he was done, he looked up briefly and then returned to his spot down at the non-musical section of the bar. Another young guy, one of the banker-shirts, sang a surprisingly touching Garth Brooks ballad.

And then yer man, as they’d say in Ireland, stood up and sang again. His ballad was about Nan McCann, and the n‘s in her name came out as a steady, swoon-inducing drone. “He’s like a human bagpipe,” Peter said.

Afterward, Fergus gave us a bit more background on the crowd. The man in black, whom Amanda had recognized by now, was Michael Collins, a well-known traveller actor, and he’d just wrapped a film called King of the Travellers, with many of these men–family and friends–in smaller roles. They’d just gotten paid and were flush with cash and accomplishment.

After about a dozen songs, it was over and could not be restarted. The gang had lined up three or four drinks apiece, they were filing out for cigarettes in ever greater numbers, and their wives and sisters had started trickling in–enormous, tattooed women with glittering earrings and peroxided hair in updos. “Drag queens,” Amanda whispered–they were that theatrical.

A fresh batch of diddly-aye pickers took up the musicians’ corner. Fergus slipped on his coat and shook his head. “These players aren’t very generous,” he told us–we wouldn’t hear any more singing tonight.

Peter, Amanda and I drank one last pint and stared at each other in a daze, still resonating from the one man’s song. I gave the traveller crew a careful look–one of them, I swear, could’ve been a Jordanian office manager, in his beige windbreaker and small glasses, with olive skin, a delicate combover and a neatly trimmed moustache. If he’d sung with the others, I imagined, it would’ve been Muhammad Abd al-Wahhab or Farid al-Atrash.

Of course music that makes you weep is universal. But I’ve never felt it that strong outside of the Arab world. If there’s not a real historical story of early Arab migration in Ireland, then I’ll be forced to believe in something like a psychic link. Which is even fruitcakier than aliens at the Pyramids.

I’ll take it–so long as I get to hear that man sing again.

Egypt #2: Birqash Camel Market

So, so rarely do I get to make a real logistical ‘discovery’ when I’m updating a guidebook that I just have to take a post to brag about the clever route I found to the camel market in Birqash.

Short version: take the train to Birqash village; hop on a truck for the last five minutes to the market.

For all I know, other guidebooks already have this info, but Lonely Planet currently advises a complicated series of at least three microbuses, which frankly in the many years since the market moved from Imbaba to Birqash, has always made me tired just to read about and I’ve never bothered going.

But this time, I’m responsible for the Around Cairo chapter, with the camel market in it. While I was busy putting off the schlep, I happened to notice that the train runs through Birqash. In my mind, any train is better than a bunch of microbuses and having to ask directions repeatedly at the crack of dawn.

The train is the ‘Cairo outskirts’ line (khatt al-manashi) and runs out of Ramses station to Birqash. It goes from track 22, which is a little Hogwartsian in the way you have to walk way up track 11 to find it, up around a bend. And the train is utterly dust-encrusted and looks like it hasn’t moved in years.

At this point, I guess I should qualify my judgment: if you like trains, this particular train is far superior to microbuses. If you prefer a clean seat, no flies and surfaces that don’t make you regret having worn the clothes you just washed, then perhaps you should stick with the microbus strategy.

But even in my nice clothes, I still think a train trumps all, and this one costs only LE1.25 (20 cents), with people-watching for free, and vendors traipsing through selling peanuts and flashlights and safety pins.

I hopped the 9am train, which left on time and got me to Birqash about an hour later. If I were going to the camel market for real as a tourist, though, I’d take the earlier train, at 7am, to get to the market in the thick of the action.

I arrived a little over an hour later at the station in Birqash, which is on a little strip of land between two canals. I crossed the bridge to the south, thinking I might find a cab or a tuktuk (yes, btw, there are tuktuks in Egypt now! Imported right from Thailand!). But Birqash isn’t even big enough to merit tuktuks, it turns out.

But some men advised me to hop on the next truck going by, and I did. Five minutes later, a bit to the southwest of the village, we all piled out at the market. I offered to pay my truck driver, but he waved it off, probably because it was such a short distance, but maybe also because I’d ripped the knee of my pants wide open clambering in and was now cutting quite a pathetic figure with my scarf wrapped around my leg like a tourniquet.

Even though I was there a bit late, the market (which runs Friday, Sunday and Monday) was interesting enough. And I swear camels love having their pictures taken.

Hello, handsomes!
You too, mister!
This kid really wanted me to take his picture, then scampered off. More camera-shy than the camels.

Obligatory warning for animal-lovers: the market resounds with the thok-thok-thok of sticks on recalcitrant camel rumps.

Cool it, camels.

And the area outside the market is like a camel apocalypse, with dead ones strewn around in the dunes, with piles of trash as garnish. It ain’t pretty.

But just like the guidebooks say, the market is a real “whoa, I’m in Africa” experience.

A Chorus Line

And with the train, it’s easier than you might think (if slightly grubbier) to get there. For lone women, I think the train is preferable too, because you’re on there with families going other places, whereas the microbuses and trucks are a pretty much all-dude scene.

I was prepared to walk back to the station, but a truck stopped and insisted I get in, and when it turned out he wasn’t going that way, dropped me off and got me on another truck. You don’t need much more Arabic than ‘souq ag-gamaal’ and ‘Birqash’ (pronounced Bir-ESH) to negotiate the whole day, though the Birqash train station sign is in Arabic only. Some ladies on the train even told me when my stop was coming, which was helpful.

And the kid selling safety pins was on the return train, so I was even able to fix up my pants. (Return trains run every hour or so, and even if you have to wait, you’ll probably meet some nice people in the process.) A mighty fine day that made my job feel all worthwhile.