First a story:

Young Tamara, new to the city, working as a temp in a dingy building way uptown. She’s back from lunch, standing in a crowded elevator. The door opens, and two young guys push out past her, fast. Then the elevator operator is pulling at her, saying, “Miss! Miss! Check your bag! Those boys–they had their hands in your bag!”

Tamara checks her purse, which is indeed not zipped and wide open.

Sigh of relief–her wallet is still there. But:

“FUCK!” she squawks. “They took my hot dog!”

See, in NYC, there is the irresistable lure of hot-dog vendor Gray’s Papaya and its dazzling, if somewhat frightening, “Recession Special” (which was on offer even during the pre-2000 tech boom–Gray’s sees right through that “trickle-down economy” BS): two hot dogs plus a medium fruit shake for, oh, $1.35 or something. Better not to question what you’re eating and its value on the wholesale market–just be impressed by the sheer calories per dollar.

Which is important when you’re new to the city and temping, like our heroine. She too had been tempted by Gray’s, and had eaten one tube steak but couldn’t face the other. And so, for some reason she cannot explain, some inner old-lady-ness at work, she wrapped the second dog up in a napkin and put it in her purse….and then, before she knew it, somewhere, several floors below her, some reprobate kid was probably cursing and wiping mustard off his hands.

Need I even mention that of course Astoria has its own Gray’s Papaya–except it’s called Mano’s Papaya. But the “Recession Special” is still on offer.

Which leads me to what I propose to be the New Astoria Anthem, sung to the tune of (OK–completely lifted from) the Kinks’ “Victoria”:

Over there, Manhattan:
Sex is bad and obscene
And the rich are so mean
Big fat pads for the bores
None of that, not for me:
Astoria is my home
Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, Astoria

I now live, lucky me
In a hood that I love
Though I am poor, I am free
When I grow I shall fight
For this place I shall die
Let her sun never set
Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, ‘toria
Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, ‘toria

Land of hope and gloria
Land of my Astoria
Land of hope and gloria
Land of my Astoria
Astoria, ‘toria
Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, ‘toria

Italia to Old Greece
Albania to Egypt
Bangladesh to Brazil
From the west to the east
From the rich to the poor
Astoria loves them all
Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, ‘toria
Astoria, Astoria, Astoria

Perhaps I’ll get the crowd to sing it at the Bohemian Hall this weekend…