The Good (and I can’t believe I’m saying this): Alex Witchel’s column in the New York Times yesterday (“To the Things That Remain”). A lovely ode to the vanishing lifestyle of smoking-with-dinner, via a time-warp steakhouse in Chicago. The accompanying recipe, however, made me not want to eat there: iceberg lettuce with salami and shrimp? I can feel the nasty texture in my mouth right now.

The Bad (c’mon, really, this is why I bothered to write this post): the new issue of Cook’s Illustrated, in which the reader’s tips reach a new low. I can no longer be shocked by any tip involving profligate use of Saran wrap, but I was appalled to read a suggestion from Ari Wolfe of Princeton, NJ. When he found himself without mini marshmallows (an “important garnish” for hot chocolate), he got out his kitchen shears and spray-can of PAM and got to work on normal-size marshmallows.

Let’s just pause while we contemplate the complete idiocy of this, shall we? I hope also that during this pause, Ari Wolfe is googling himself and discovering that at least one person in the world is giving him a reality check.

Not only did he see a lack of mini marshmallows as a problem and then concoct an overly complicated solution to that problem, but then he felt compelled to write to Cook’s Illustrated and tell them about it.

Dude. I hope, I pray you are also doing something good with your time, like adopting profoundly deaf orphan children with leprosy and speech impediments.

Now I’d better get back to constructive, world-saving work. But maybe I need a mug of hot chocolate to get in the mood…