It seems like every time I click over to the Cook’s Illustrated website, the whole operation has gotten even more oppressive.

Don’t get me wrong–Cook’s Illustrated was an essential tool in my learning how to cook, and I suppose it is still helping many people out there. By “perfecting” only known and classic recipes, however, it had a built-in lifespan, and I’m not sure how the editors are managing today. I know they lost me when they had the recipe for school-lunch-style tacos about five years ago.

And now, maybe because I’ve shaken myself free, it appears to have gone from just geeky and twee (cute bow tie!) to downright evil.

The website livened up with a big splash photo of CI minions hard at work in “America’s Test Kitchen.” Unfortunately, everyone looks like they’re about to slit their wrists. This may be because Christopher Kimball is a pompous ass, and also that cutting things into tiny, tiny pieces all day, and then cooking the same recipe over and over and over is the closest thing to hell on earth.

Don’t you agree?

Assistant equipment editor Liz Bomze tosses beef while testing pans to determine which is best for stir-frying.

The quiet desperation.

Test cook Charles Kelsey calculates how to best position sauteed pears to maximize caramelization.

The tyrant himself:

While filming the next season of America’s Test Kitchen, Bridget Lancaster and Christopher Kimball debate just how much magic is needed for perfect Kansas City Ribs.

A lot of magic, people. A lot would be needed to reel me back in to the maddening world of Herr Kimball.